Is it really comfortable or is it a denial.
Been thinking of these lately. Recently.
Despite of everyone (not literally everyone, but everyone here is people around me. close to me) been asking on questions of "kamu bila lagi?" "mak doakan dicepatkan jodoh" "bile nak bagi kad kawin" "adik nak tunang, kamu bila pulak?" and i will always reply,"mestilah nak kawin, mana jodohnya?" "meh la kenalkan sesapa.." "takkan nak kutip jodoh tu tepi jalan atau pilih kat kedai?".
There are times which I've been doing the thinking of do I really want to get married? Do I really really trully want to? now? For what sake? For whose sake? My Mak? My Ayah? or everyone yang tanya? or wasn't it suppose to be for myself? I'm at the age of good to be married. But then again, I am at the age of good to be married. That does not justify of why should I get married now. I really do think that I'm still a child. Not matured enough. This matured here define so many things for me.
Preparing for marriage seems so dreamy, so pretty, so happy. Pretty bridal cloths. Pretty make-up.Nice pictures and happy faces during the ceremony. Its something really really seductive. To have it as your own. But then, the after-math is much more important. After-math of the ceremony.
Am I really matured enough?
1) Matured to be accepting someone new to be part of my whole life
2) Matured to be accepting things which does not qualify to my expectation
3) Matured to be accepting others (new family) to be part of my whole life
4) Matured enough to handle all marriage problem
5) Matured enough to have children
6) Matured enough to learn how harsh or shit married life can be
Married life never seen so easy for me. Read the word of seen there. I've normally see a broken married life. From my own family, immediate families and let along the others.
Even it started off with a dreamy loving couple, or it started off with your first love, I've seen and heard of more broken compared to the happy ones. "One or two does not justify how married life can be. Everyone have their own story to tell". Not denying that. Its just seem a bit scary over the time. The commitment it holds. The commitment we have to hold. Both individuals.
"As days is not only filled with rainbows, there are more days which we have storm, rain and drought over our calendar. That is how married life will be. Not only married, even now that is how our life runs. "
But another question here, Am i ready? Do I have high expectations? of myself? or to my future partner?
Never been into any serious romantic relationship in my 29 years of life. Only crushes to ones who doesn't even know me. So, that does not count as experience. So, at this age, next question come along, does that matters? Do that really give impact to what I'm experiencing now? As we ever involved in any romantic relationship gave us the confidence of getting into more serious one, the last longer ones?
Afraid of broken marriage, which then leads to broken family.
Nufab : 29/10/2019
