help.

"are you crying?"

"no"

"dont lie"

"no im not"

"yes you are"

"up to you"

"tell me"

"what"

"everything"

"it hurts"

"be calm"

"i am"

"believe in The Almighty"

"always do"

"never forget to pray"

"insyAllah"

"im always with you"

"thank you"

merely.

my planner = my plan = my to-do list.

tomorrow : 17th of november 2011, BEL Encik Jeyaraman, ECO Miss Nurjila.

Test 1 , Presentation on chapter 4 ; elasticity.

presentation, almost done. just a little more of information to be prepare.

Test, urmm...... finger crossed.

merely an opinion, merely a fact.

(bahana belajar BEL untuk test, this two word keeps on dancing in my mind, and suddenly dapat relate dengan latest incidents in my life.

merely, hanya sekadar.

things doesn't really go as we planned kan? sometimes langsung tak menjadi but sometimes Allah memberi nikmat dengan it all happens according to plans.

dan hati manusia ni berubah. dan hati manusia ni tak pernah puas. on what? it depends.

recently, orang paling rapat hurt me the most all over again. untuk kali ke berapa? don't ask. it hurt me a lot. terkejut? sikit la sebab all this time saya memang sedar akan keadaan dia yang memang begitu. kerap dan terlalu selalu begitu. is it because im already 21 then my reation is a little bit different compare to almost 7 years before? kalau dulu, the only thing i can do is crying. orang cakap nangis tak berlagu, yup! masa tu its just merely tears. a lot. kerap.selalu. thinking of what will happen in future at that time memang hurt me the most. what will happen to me dengan my current situation at that time. a broken family untuk kali kedua (pada masa tu) and now. maybe a broken family cum brake all my feelings left toward dia buat kali ke-3. dont ask how it hurt sebab setiap kali bercerita titisan air akan keluar. the truth is im too disappointed. dengan apa yang berlaku.

i have no attention untuk menghalang, tapi boleh tak for this time, untuk kali ni SAHAJA, stop all this. stop doing the same thing all over again. i've lost my confident. i've lost my trust towards you.

i've no attention to be rude. merely a word, PENAT. untuk menghadapi all this all over again. Allah tu Maha Adil. Terlalu adil. Maaf ayah.

u, pretty.

half past two. a.m in the morning.
test pad bertaburan. manual open wide. chapter 1. LAW.
this coming monday, test. and only now baru nak buka buku. tapi laman muka buku selalu je terbukak. hai la otak... salah sendiri.

tabiat. telinga kiri kanan sumbat dengan lagu, so kalau tanya how saya study? saya sendiri tak taw. otak memang bergerak in full consumption. cerebrum, cerebellum, medulla oblongata. yup! fully uitize. nak cerna lirik lagu, nak cerna all the info yang sedang di baca. wahhh! tetiba rasa yang otak ni sangat hebat sebenarnya.

well, hidung dah kena flu ni, and voice dah ade ala-ala ella tengah nyanyi lagu rock baik punya, so, here we go.........

UGLY by SUGAABES. pernah denga?
the lyric sound something like this,

when. i was seven they said i was strange.
i noticed my eyes and hair warent the same.
i asked my parents if i as okay.
they said you're more beautiful.
......
people are all the same.
only get judged by what we do.
personality refects name.
and if im ugly the so are you.

people perspective. they define pretty tu kadang2 terlalu complex. sedangkan cantik tu sangat subjektif. for instance, how come kecacatan kat muka such as dimple can make someone tu pretty kan? kan?

u become much prettier if it comes from the inside. ok. organ dalaman sihat mesti muka pon cantik.. ye tak?? yela.. mesti akan nampak muka tu sentiasa sihat and u become pretty. and lagi best kalau ada inner quality yg sangat bagus. yelah.. all the things yang tak boleh ukur, such as, kindness, faith towards Allah, yadda, yadda, yadda..... semua ni will become extra token to make you more beautiful. kan.

so, janganlah rasa yang awak tu tak cantik just because people say you so. u have your own quality, which makes you prettier.

ok. one roll tissue almost habis. flu getting worse. and my note stii unfinish.

BTW: this post is to help my self-esteem.

a full bloom lily ; Lilies are the flowers of the spiritually advanced. They are also the totem flowers of mothers (especially new ones), fertility and nurturing. Lilies are also appropriate flowers to present during weddings as they are symbolic of unions, partnerships, and long lasting relationships. Give lilies to new mothers and brides-to-be; share the symbolism of these beautiful blossoms with them, and watch their faces light up with delight. still in the mood of graduation. still in the mood of happiness. thnx for the flower familia! :D

blank title, blank letter.

to whom it may concern,

it was one day back to 3 years ago. somewhere i saw your bright eyes and smile.which makes me stunt and smile too. dan kat situlah everything kind of began. a very happy smile whilst up to a week will be seen on my face, and i know for those who knows will be annoyed and im sorry for that. really do, but that is me. untuk bahagia berjumpa dengan apa yang saya suka. it makes my heart burst!

to whom it may concern,

im sorry untuk everything. doing everything secretly. including all the watching, looking and all sorts of other things. sungguh tak elok, tapi itu je yg saya buat. n i promise you, im not going to do it more now. enough is enough. im letting you go. and for that, this letter is made special for you.

for the first time, i think i really do like you. memang betul punya. im not hoping that you like me back pun. its oke. to know that you are out of my league, it make me realise, you're not for me (cewah! ayat memang baik punya la kan) you're too kind, dan saya sedar orang yang baik is for someone yang baik juga dan i know im not that baik. takkira definisi 'baik' itu sendiri dari sudut apa. im not that qualified.

seronok untuk saya tengok awak seronok but u know something, there are times when i feel my heart broken masa tengok awak. let it be history. the main point here is i want you to know that saya pernah ada crush on you and i really do like you and im really glad that u dont know it. thats all.

p/s : i love you. (dont ever find this thing)

falling.

around 9 am this morning, we arrived at UiTM Shah Alam, for the event of taking our robes. sampai memang morning, but due to certain issues, kami sedikit terlawat dalam pengambilan jubah.

barisan yg tak serupa barisan, kalah rupa ular kena palu. but we managed to get through, depan panasnyer...nasib baik tak hujan je during waiting in the lines tu... punyalah ramai para graduan yg duk sibuk amik jubah..

n there it goes, waiting in the lines, waiting n waiting sampai tiba turn and we all pon amik jubah n saya dapat size quite besar (M pun kira besar) since jubah mmg besar pun but oke lahh....

and after dah amik2 jubah tu, we all pun keluar lah.... n di sana, i see u...hahhaha.. in red shirt, with jeans and sneakers. thats it. thats it. im glad i see u n im glad im ready for the things that i'll do... big smile on my face for almost a week maybe... sooooo happpppyyy! :D